Transition for settling down, centering and bringing the attention to your body. Something that we don’t often experience; since we only have connection to our bodies when we are either too tired after working out, sitting all day long in front of a screen at work, or, more pleasantly, while having sex -which is then, for that pleasant sense we need a partner.
But with all your attention feeling your body, your breath, on your own and with so little effort… Finding that simplicity has been a gate to make life easier for me. To feel more of everything. To let go of things which no longer serves me. Admitting the beginnings, and endings.
Meditation is like this passage, a brainstorm of ideas coming out of raw feelings. Those which we don’t name yet since they don’t have an instant background story. It is not being a judge for the ideas which defend themselves; but rather just standing in a court room, watching the ideas thrown out on the table.
Often people tend to think that meditation is something that will give them resolutions, peace, a way to calm them down. I’m sorry to reveal the news guys but: not necessarily. It is just a way of allowing whatever inside you to come out. It’s a step toward acceptance; to what you are feeling, how you are behaving, how much you are getting affected by what is happening to you. Seeing that it is not actually happening ‘to you’.
For the first 2 years, meditating was serving me in such a positive way that I got the same disillusion: that is just a pure white remedy. If I keep on meditating every day for a couple of minutes all my life, I will be like a guru: always at peace, always positive. Over the last year though, I have felt intensely, that now meditating is bringing out what I have been hiding deep down about me in myself as well. As much as it has been bringing the best out of me; now the dark, selfish, rigid parts were coming out as well. Then I thought: to have total peace with myself, I need to accept my dark as much as my light. And those two not being enough, I need to make peace with my grey zones, the foggy areas of my mind, of my soul.
What I found important in my practice, was to not stop at that point where meditation does not give you easiness. The past March has probably been one of the worst months for me, with constant nightmares and mentally hard times. But I kept on sitting down for at least 10 minutes every morning, trying to center and to root down. After 1 month, suddenly I have become such a joyful person again. More than before.
My conclusion was: sometimes we need some cleansing, releasing. That can take time and can be painful. But once we are through it, we are stronger, more aware, mindful than before. And the real practice is, to not stop practicing.
– Buruc Bakac