Today, predominantly within the western world, survival techniques have developed, of which obstructing many of our natural emotions. With tears associated with weakness and excitement perceived as immaturity, our natural emotions are hidden behind sensible suits, false answers and crooked smiles.
Psychology is becoming more understood and respected each and every day, not only this but as a whole we are starting to individually look within, seeking happiness and ways to live calmly in the congested society, with little, to no stress.
However; to be joyful and experience pleasure at all times is unrealistic, and unattainable, although projected by so many. The social media platforms of which we express our experiences provides a heavily one sided view of the lives we lead, adding to the difficulties we encounter when faced with experiencing and expressing uncomfortability.
We all experience difficult emotions; sadness, depression, anger, anxiety, perhaps uncomfortable excitement and the mental confusion these can bring. Thoughts can become overwhelming, sparking off our emotions or perhaps the other way around. When deep in one of these, or many, it is difficult to know how to behave. Expressing these feelings can feel extremely daunting, as they are not often heard in a normal conversation topic, simply not enjoyable enough; albeit real.
Everything around us is subject to change, inevitably eventually coming to its own individual ending. Endings can cause great pain, affecting how you then go on to progress, or in some cases, not. It is in such situations we experience these extreme uncomfortable thoughts and emotions, with no one really knowing what to do, for themselves, or for others going through it. So here’s some things to consider:
Talk about it
Ask someone about how they really feel
Stop saying ‘not bad/ok/i’m fine’
Get comfortable/don’t run away
Make good decisions
Vocalising thoughts immediately reduces their seriousness, because its not just you, helping you. We need to empty our brains, so we can create more space, space for understanding and time to appreciate whats going on in the here and now. Although initially it might be hard, talking about issues or your wildest thoughts will always help, no matter how crazy.
Talking about it isn’t so easy when you think no one wants to hear it, so if you know someone is going through a difficult time, pluck up the courage to ask them how they really feel. Offering them time to go into their emotions and thoughts more honestly makes a huge difference and can help that person more than you can imagine. It might be difficult to ask, but get comfortable, don’t overreact and just listen, you don’t need the answers.
This ‘not bad’ response is, more often than not, a load of bullshit, and I often find myself saying it to people I don’t think would want to hear the truth. I try more and more each day to stop saying ‘not bad’ to a friendly, perhaps fake ‘HEY, how are you?!’, and have since found conversations and relationships have become increasingly more real and again, its an instant relief being able to be honest, even to someone you might not know so well.
Fearing emotions can often lead to running away. The fear adds more dimensions to the negative aspects of the emotion or thought, leading you to run away, masking real emotions with a smile, a holiday, a night out, or eating your feelings; only prolonging, lengthening and increasing the severity of the emotions and their effects. Although difficult, the best way to deal with hard times is to get real nice and comfortable with it, sitting in the uncomfortable emotions, seeing them for what they are. See how you actually feel, which parts of your body feel tense or tight, perhaps your heart is racing or your stomach feels like its going to fall out of your arse, accept that, and see it for what it is, get comfortable, you’ll then be able to see it naturally change over time.
Making good decisions in difficult times can often seem impossible and simply not an option. But it’s really the only thing that makes sense. Alcohol always comes into play when a hard time arises, initially releasing you from your mind only to then hit you with a tsunami of unrealistic emotions, leading you to make more bad decisions and ending up with a hangover, clouded thoughts and embarrassment. Alcohol is a depressant, if you’re going through a difficult time, ask yourself, will guzzling down depressants help?
Most people go on to ignore all of the things they do that are bad for them, society encourages binge drinking, unhealthy diets and unhealthy lifestyles with a main theme of escape. People escape reality instead of creating their own, looking into who they really are and what they really need. This ‘finding yourself’ process often being mocked and judged so strongly, perhaps done so the judgmental individual can make sense of their own decisions against this. So don’t be afraid to understand yourself more, and seek genuine happiness, it’s a real thing.
Becoming comfortable around others and your own uncomfortable feelings is key to pushing through and developing real relationships and genuine happiness, so come and take a seat in the shite.
– Evie Pardoe