Maturity, the end of confusion?

What does maturity feel like to you?
Maturity comes in various ways. To me it feels like the balancing of thoughts, needs, wills, words and actions. Like building the life you can exist inside comfortably, becoming comfortably complete, even with its imperfections.
I feel more for my needs now. I feel more for my core principles. I feel more deeply into all of my feelings, both pleasant and unpleasant.
It’s like the spectrum widened.
I feel more sexual satisfaction and my sexual energies. My body is utterly responding to my mental state. I feel more acceptance towards myself, less alienated than I used to.
More understandable. Not trying to change me but giving a bit more space to my flaws.
My soul, compromising and accepting truths after torturing her for so long, in dead end relationships, abusive work environments, harassing sexual encounters.
Now I can speak out when I get mistreated, lied to, forced to do something I don’t feel comfortable with, realising when i’m being exploited.
I had to learn these things all by myself. No parent, teacher, spiritual master ever helped me. I might actually say, they did the exact opposite. All my life I was trained to withdraw, keep things inside, wear the happy / positive mask and lie to myself about situations which were considered embarrassing.
Maturity is being able not only to say no, but also being conscious of when you say yes and not meaning it, it’s about figuring out what you really want from any situation.
Maturity comes with the basic human need of genuinely connecting with other human beings, with real emotions, problems, flaws but also hidden treasures in their inner world. However, there is no need to fill up emptiness, loneliness, despair or sadness with other people, they will always be there.
The monster of my darkness isn’t so intimidating; so scary anymore. I know I am strong enough to get out of it, albeit also welcoming any good intentioned help I am offered, reducing pain.
I met pain, and with this I developed compassion. I met unconditional love, thus resulting in honesty to myself about my intentions and motives when it comes to dating.
I met myself through all of the people, music, books I ever came into contact with.
Since coming closer to my inner parallel universes, I get to realise how endless this journey is.
The change now is to consciously be aware, to really learn from these realisations and to not get into vicious cycles.
I feel grateful when people are radically honest to me, even if it hurts, because they help me see.
They help me grow, and I feel excited to return that.
This is maturity to me.
The end of illusions, excuses and confusion.
A more authentic way of existing.
– Garifallia Mioteri

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