A Mother’s Anxiety

How did I not know?
How did I miss the signs?
How did I not notice?
Was there not a change in her voice? Did she not lose the twinkle in her eye?
How could I not see the torment she was suffering inside?
Was I so absorbed in my own life? Fooled by her chatty, confident manner?
I presumed life was great, because she didn’t say it wasn’t.
I assumed life was good because she was always too busy to talk.
For goodness sake, I’m her Mother!!!!!
I should have known
I should have noticed
I failed her, completely failed her.
Never questioning, ignoring mood swings, respecting her privacy.
Never considering that missed calls were something to be concerned about.

I know now…..
She found the strength to open up and let me in.

I need to be there now…..
Not invading her independence
Not constantly questioning
Not disbelieving the chatty confidence
Not expecting too much
Not judging

But understanding
Listening
Supporting
Respecting
Trusting she’s being truthful
Letting her have bad days,
Letting her cope as she sees fit
Always looking for the twinkle in her eye.

I need to be her Mother
Caring and supportive
Always loving her.

She has strength and determination, she’s focussed and motivated,
An inspiration and makes me so proud.
I need to be like her.

 

– Spencer Nicholls

– Jack Hare (photography)

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